


The Show Must Go On

by JamlessGenius



Series: Oh, Sing Us A Song [6]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Ballet, Ballet Dancer Myoui Mina, Gen, Mental Anguish, Mental Health Issues, Myoui Mina-centric, Panic Attacks, Songfic, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:08:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25540345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/pseuds/JamlessGenius
Summary: Mina is a dancer.Dancing is her dream.(Even when it tears her apart.)
Series: Oh, Sing Us A Song [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1816408
Kudos: 5





	The Show Must Go On

**Author's Note:**

> Ruelle “Closing In”

_**I used** **to see in color** _

Mina is a dancer in the New York Ballet. She’s proud of that fact. 

She works-

Harder than she should.

For her dream, she’d put in hours upon hours.

  
She has, put in hours into weeks into months into years of her life 

_** Now it's just a wave of gray ** _

Sometimes those hours come with side affects, but that’s not her concern when a director starts watching her practice, a scritch scratch of his almost-dry ballpoint pen against the stacks of paper in his clipboard. 

His breath is over her shoulder, and she’s feeling his eyes on her. Can he hear her breathing? Her breath stops and holds itself as she forces her body to breathe and move.

Like it’s supposed to.

Like it should be doing without her intervention.

_** Feel it pull me under ** _

Is she doing this right? Is she doing any of this right?

It’s after he leaves that she feels it coming. Like clockwork, once a performance ends, its effects begin.

_** Drowning in the disarray ** _

Panic begins it’s familiar tracing through her veins, her head pounding and her skin heating and her breathing growling louder, erratic. 

_** There's no escape ** _

Why can’t she get air in her lungs? She needs to move! Make a noise! There are tears on her eyes and she can’t to anything about them because her hands are trembling so hard and she can HEAR her shoes go crash nice and loudly against the floor and-

“Mina! Mina Myoui!”

_** Everything is closing in ** _

She hates when she gets like this, weak like it’s an illness. Freaking out over what’s already been done or not even yet to come. 

_** Everything ** _

Jimin Park and Seulgi Kang are holding her upright. When had she fallen? 

Her knees are weak and she feels like screaming.

**_Is closing in_ **

Where was the air?! Where was the air to hold screams that couldn’t come out?

_** Light is slowly ** _

There are two much more senior dancers. Boga and Taerin..? Bora and Taemin?  


And they’re holding icy water, they’re talking to her and she wants to tell for them to get away, not to touch her. 

She can’t move.

She can barely breathe.

_** Growing dim ** _

It’s milder, she notes almost deliriously as her own body trembles with nausea over fears that aren’t there. At least she didn’t scream this time.

_This time_.

_** Feels like everything is closing in ** _

Bile rises in her throat, its familiar burning coming with it. It’s familiar, clockwork.

_** A fraction of a memory ** _

She shouldn’t be ignoring this.

She shouldn’t be writing this off as take a couple pills and move on with your life.

But she is.

_** Pieces of a dream long gone ** _

Is she irresponsible? For this?

No doubt about it.

Which is a little funny, considering how she responsible she is on the surface.

_** I can see it slipping ** _

Mina’s not okay.

She doesn’t remember what _okay_ is

What it looks like.

What it feels like.

_** All that's left of me is gone ** _

Vomit burns against her ribs up to the back of her throat even as she’s back at her place. Tears burn against her eyes. She’s not okay. 

She’s not okay.

She’s not-

_ She needs to breathe _

_** Everything is closing in ** _

Breathing, 

breathing sounds nice

_** Everything is closing in ** _

The world ripples around her and she’s clinging to her only solace, dancing.

But she’s losing her grip on her solace and as she scrambles for purchase, everything gets heavier.

_** Light is slowly growing dim ** _

She hates feeling like this.

She should do something about it.

But she’s already so lost, can she even be found?

_** Feels like everything is closing in ** _

She knows other dancers watch the smokers so enviously, the drinkers with curiosity.

It’s a morbid interest. 

Morbidly curious what it’s like to tear yourself apart from the inside for fun.

Mina wants to tell them that a mind can do that without the help of a little paper stick on fire or glass of bitter crystal-like poisons.

_** There's no escape ** _

The street is filled with bright lights and noises, merely moving creating so much noise.

So much _presence_.

Does she have one? 

Did she ever?

_** Everything ** _

Why does she feel so alone? In feeling like this? In this hopeless panic and self-doubt? 

_** Is closing in ** _

Is it for dancing? Is her own dream tearing her apart?

She should stop, pause to breathe.

_** Everything  ** _

But she _can’t_.  
She can’t let go, and she’ll drown like this if she doesn’t stop.

But she still dances, perfect, and inhuman as she wants to be on a stage. Wax figure playing at human.

And when she’s off, the strings are cut, and she _falls_ , _choking_ on her own self-control.

_** is closing in ** _

But isn’t it sad? 

So pitiful?

For her own relief, she’ll drown and she’ll suffocate happily. She loves dancing and she won’t give it up, not even if it kills her. 

_** Light is  ** _

She looks in the mirror, and breathes deeply. Her eyes are rimmed with red, dried tears have marks all the way past her chin and down her neck. She’s pale and her hands are shaking. 

_** slowly  ** _

She can’t afford to be like this. The show must go on, she tells herself. For her dream, she needs to shut herself off. Tell her mind to shut up. 

_** growing dim ** _

Everything will be okay if she can just-

If she can just dance.

_** Feels like  ** _

She looks at herself again, expression grim.

_** everything is  ** _

She reminds herself, words she’s repeated like a mantra through years of this. Of tears and anxiety and breakdowns and diets and injuries. 

She can do this. She always has. How she feels doesn’t matter, in the long run when dancing _is_ her long run.

Right?

_** closing in ** _

  
  


Breathe, _even if it hurts_ , and force yourself to look in the eyes and _say_ it. Repeat it it until it’s true.

“ _The show must go on_.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please remember that you matter, and if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, take the time remember that and breaks for your mental health’s sake are okay. I based these panic attacks off of my own experiences, but if ones you have seen described or experienced don’t match up, that doesn’t invalidate them. 💜
> 
> As always, I’m a hoe for comments, please let me know what you thought!


End file.
